I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
