32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's the barista slut.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize