if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
