Swine flu. Run for my life!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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