My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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