My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
