what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your cock deserves a montage
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
