3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
