nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
