Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Where is the hickey?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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