Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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