I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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