I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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