I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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