Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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