Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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