It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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