I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
