Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
