:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he was CRYING into my vagina
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
