There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
