is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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