Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
