You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
