I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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