I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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