Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Success! We fucked roommates!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
