I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize