I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
