She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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