Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i was born a porn star she said
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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