a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
