He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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