i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
