If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
