she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
