i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
