that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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