Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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