just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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