Please, let me fuck your mom
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
