I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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