So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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