I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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