ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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