I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
