So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
