is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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