She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
