That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
