If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
