Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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