I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
