im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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