It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
