If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
