i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
