idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
