Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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