ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
