One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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