my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
