all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
