You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
