We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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