she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
