Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
