I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
