So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
