she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
