"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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