there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
