Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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