it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
only you would photoshop your dick
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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