Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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