Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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