You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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